I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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