this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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