Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
