I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
