I showed him my bush... on skype.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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