nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize