she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
