and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
