I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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