i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
