hotel room ftw
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
