I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize