"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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