last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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