I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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