blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
