i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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