when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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