Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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