Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
