she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize