my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
