i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
