I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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