Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
