OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
