so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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