I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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