I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jerry, you need to find god
Screwed.edu
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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