5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize