my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
