Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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