I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
