It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
