if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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