I got chris browned last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
