some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
