My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even my farts smell like vagina
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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