I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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