Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
