First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
