we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
