You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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