Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
