i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
