Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
