i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
