all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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