So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
