And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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