Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
