i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
