I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
