u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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