the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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