That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish i was in the wii world.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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