We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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