Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
