If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
