Quick, to the slutcave!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
