I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
