Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
