Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
