yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
