and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
