she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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