you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
