i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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